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Snyderville
Famous Statements Of Judge Snyder From The Simpsons


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#1: In Court, Judge Snyder looks over the case.

Lisa Simpson, you are charged with destruction of an historic curiousity.
A mis-demener. By the larger sum, this trial will settle the age old
question of Science vs. Religion. Let the opening statements commence.
-- Judge Snyder, "Lisa the Skeptic"

Religion Lawyer: Your honour over the coming weeks and months we will
prove that Lisa Simpson willingly destroyed...
[Lisa notices the angel on a nearby grassy hill through
a window]
Lenny: There's the angle!
[they all run out to see the angel]
Judge Snider: I find the defendent not guilty. As for science vs.
religion I'm issuing a refraining order. Science should
stay 500 yards from religion at all times.
-- "Lisa the Skeptic"


  
#2:

- We see Homer outside building #7, about to enter it, with a big "Police
Cops" display out front. Then, while Homer's in the conference room, we
building #7 through the window behind him.

= Homer's reading glasses disappear between shots. {bc}

* Judge Snyder says he'll give Homer the only name that he spelled correctly.
Since Homer made up those names, shouldn't he be able to make up the
spellings, too? {nd}

* Marge *would not*, and probably doesn't have a tattoo on a private place.
#3:
 The crowd cheers as the train drives away, taking the real Seymour Skinner
% out of Springfield.

Armin: Well, this is a lovely gesture, but we still have to face the fact
that I'm not really Seymour Skinner.
Homer: Oh, no we don't. Judge Snyder?
Judge: By authority of the City of Springfield, I hereby confer upon you
the name of Seymour Skinner, as well as his past, present, future,
and Mother.
Skinner: Okay.
Judge: And I further decree that everything will be just like it was
before all this happened! And no one will ever mention it
again... under penalty of torture. [The townspeople cheer.]
-- "The Principal and the Pauper"
#4:
 Some brief "Laugh-In" style clips bridge the gap to the next big
% number. Capt. McAllister feels "someone should be keelhauled" for the
% last sketch. Judge Snyder orders it stricken from the record, and
% calls in the next sketch.
%
% The next sketch opens with the family dressed in 1950s gear, sitting
% in a 50s soda shop.

Marge: Inflation, trade deficits, horrible war atrocities ... how
are we supposed to do our big musical number with so many
problems in the world?
Homer: Well, I know one thing in this world that's still pure and
good.
Marge: Christian love?
Homer: No. Candy! [climbs on table] Sweet, sweet, candy!
[the orchestra strikes up the "I Want Candy" tune]
Homer: [singing] I want candy!
Marge: But don't you want to end world famine?
Bart: [hops out of the booth] I want candy!
Marge: Or save the endangered Alaskan salmon?
"Lisa": I want candy!
Marge: Well if you won't think of society's ills ...
H + B + L: [singing] I want candy!
Marge: At least, think of our dentist bills.
[happy dentists show up, bearing bills]
-- They probably want candy, too, "The Simpsons Spinoff Showcase"

#5:

Tim Conway: [as skunk] Oh, was it something I said?
"Laugh-In" fanfare plays.
%
% Capt. McCallister: [peeking out of porthole] D'ahrr, someone should
% be _keelhauled_ for that one. [foghorn sounds]
Judge Snyder: I move that the last sketch be stricken from the
record.
~~

After Smithers' "Whip It", and Selma's bubble gum bursts,
% move to Homer and Marge--on stage. The kids jump in, and join.
%
% Simpsons: [singing; dancing] We want candy.
[dance; walk down steps, singing] We want candy. [the
whole cast joins] Candy!

Everyone pants heavily, exhausted as they hold the final pose.
Maggie topples.
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